Gay Wedding Cakes

Unless we do something radically different, the only thing we are going to do for the next 50 years is manage the decline of the Western Church.

– John Tyson Catalyst Next

I once heard from a tremendous leader that potential can be like driving on ice.

You can have all the horsepower in the world, but if the tires don’t grip anything, nothing will happen. It is traction, plus power, that brings about change.

In my last post, I started a generational discussion on Millennials (you can read it by clicking HERE), but to simply talk about generalities, I feel, is to give no traction to the discussion. Everyone talks in generalities about Millennials. We even do that with ourselves!

So let’s put traction to ideas.

Let’s start taking the discussion there…

HOW TO TALK TO MILLENNIALS IF YOU HAVE TO: PART 2 – MORE THAN CAKE.

There are not many topics that divide people so rapidly along generational lines (ESPECIALLY in church…) than to bring up one of my favorite topics in church lately:

Gay Marriage.

It is an issue, especially in churches, that makes so many of us apprehensive. I would imagine that for most, your blood pressure ticked up a few points simply reading that last line. Mine too.

It divides us so quickly! It seems to be the root of so much awkwardness, and at times, downright venom between churches. So many act reserved in church, and then set out to crush each other through Facebook and Twitter during the week as each new case or incident floods our TV’s and news feeds.

Are we weary yet of the ALL CAPS Bluster and opinions?

Why are actual back and forth conversations so hard now?

How many posts do we really need to rally “our side?”

I spoke in our church a while back on gay marriage and loving gay students. It was not one of those messages you give lightly or expect to speak on without a fair amount of fireworks left in its wake.

I had some push back from a few people, which I think we all would expect.  It is a delicate topic and I think nothing could have been worse than pouring out my heart and no one responding!  Ideas should move us.  Love it or hate it, but please don’t be indifferent!

Most of the discussion centered on one idea: “Why did you not say it was wrong!?”

It was a great question! I loved that some noticed that aspect of the sermon, and that it bothered them enough to keep the conversation going. I intentionally presented the good of both sides because in suspending the hard and fast stance – it sparked dialogue!  That’s still the point of sermons, right?  I am a firm believer that we should all crave discussion when we talk of things that actually matter.

And yet…the question hung in the air.

As with most hot button issues we discuss in church, on each side are very Christian, very devout, very compassionate people – each side trying to wrestle out what to do and how to act. This is so important, and such a strength for the church. We must lean into it more and more, especially on Sundays, because the reality is that we cannot let another generation turn away from church because we are too uncomfortable to figure out where we stand on cultural issues such as gay marriage.

I remember reading about how, back in World War II, there were groups of devoted Japanese soldiers who had been stationed in outposts on miniscule pacific islands. As the United States fought Japan, the Americans engaged in what was commonly called an “Island Hopping Campaign” – the U.S. Navy would attack certain islands, while bypassing others so as not to get bogged down fighting for every single island in the Pacific Ocean. It worked brilliantly, but also had a rather interesting side effect: it left many of the tiny outposts cut off from the outside world. They had no communications due to broken equipment, and as a result, years after the signing of a peace treaty, they still had never heard the war was over.

Now, much can be said for a group of soldiers who were so disciplined that for years they kept their routines and discipline. It is very noble and stoic, but the painful reality is that these very devout and disciplined soldiers were fighting a war that was already decided. They had lost years of their lives – family memories, weddings, funerals and so many holiday celebrations back home, while stationed out on those tiny jungle islands.

They missed out on so much that could have been.

I love the church, but sometimes those of us who are Jesus followers get so focused on certain issues which are “ruining society.”

So often, we fight the wrong battles and miss out on what could have been.

Losing is hard enough, but when half the team doesn’t even realize the game is already over – that’s a bad loss.

I believe church does not often make sense to culture because in the mindset of most Millennials, gay marriage is not even seen as an issue to solve – it is just how it is now.

This is huge.

If an average Millennial walks into a church, and the emphasis for the decline of society is laid – either through angry rhetoric or subtle inundation – at the feet of an issue that everyone else in your world simply accepts as the norm, it is going to be confusing at best, and most often, very angering.

We can “tell it like it is!”,

Speak the truth,

And often still completely lose.

Gay Marriage is not about “our culture” or “the world” to us as Millennials.

You are talking about our friends.

I love the response of Jesus when someone brought up the issue of sexuality in the middle of an impromptu church time Jesus and many others were having:

³ Now the scribes and Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery. They made her stand in the center of the court,⁴ and they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the very act of adultery.⁵ Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women [to death]. So what do You say [to do with her—what is Your sentence]?”   John 8 (Amplified Bible)

It is such an interesting setup for a life change.

The religious types had to be almost salivating in the moment. They had Him. There was no way out but to stone her.

She and Jesus were both caught.

…when they persisted in questioning Him, He straightened up and said, “He who is without [any] sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”⁸ Then He stooped down again and started writing on the ground.       John 8 (Amplified Bible)

Mic.

Drop.

⁹ They listened [to His reply], and they began to go out one by one, starting with the oldest ones, until He was left alone, with the woman [standing there before Him] in the center of the court.¹⁰ Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” ¹¹ She answered, “No one, Lord!” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more.”       John 8 (Amplified Bible)

I am so moved by the way Jesus dealt with this issue.

He confronts the confronters.

Defends the one with the least power – her.

And then when it was just her and Jesus…

Jesus confronts her with Grace.

Everyone involved realizes they can’t judge her without dealing with their own brokenness first, so they walk away.  The older, wiser ones first – I love that!  It is a story about sin, but also about modeling to generations how to give grace.  If you let it, your past will allow you to extend grace more easily to others.

We Millennials could learn a lot from that one phrase!

Also, notice the most unsettling aspect of the story: when did she ask for forgiveness?

She never actually did!

Jesus simply let her know the sin was taken care of. For Jesus it was more about this idea: How will you live out this grace?

Which makes me think of the most talked about Christian bakers of all time – the bakers that refused to bake a cake for a gay couple’s wedding.

There was so much ink on Facebook and in Christian magazines – well-meaning people on both sides were all trying to work out what they thought about the issue. The best thing I have ever read on this was a blog from a guy named Hugh Halter, where he simply asked one brilliant question:

“Let’s say Jesus is the only baker in Nazareth.

Tom and Steve want to get married.

Does Jesus bake the cake?”

So…what do you think?

I hope this read has been helpful. I plan to write a few more blogs on this topic, and I would love to hear your thoughts on this piece – whether you loved or hated it – and how you would have added to the conversation. My email is joelschaap@yahoo.com, or you can comment below.