If You Have To Talk To A Millennial: Part 1

If I had the choice between seeing a Picasso at the Louvre, or to be invited into Picasso’s attic and be in the place where he created everything that deserves to be in the Louvre, I would rather be in the attic.

– Erwin McManus

A friend of mine and I have unofficially started a phrase between us for when we know we are supposed to do something, but can’t explain why. The content of each conversation doesn’t really matter, but when we reach an impasse, we simply say, “I don’t know why, I’m just a Millennial!”

And we laugh.

It’s not really that funny, but it makes us feel good. I enjoy it because there are many things I do that I can’t adequately explain the motivation behind. I simply believe I need to. It’s a trait I often find in my generation.

It has also been the primary reason for starting this post.

I frequently get a certain question from many, very sincere people. It is dressed up a variety of ways, but a single thought rings out from behind it all:

“How do you ever get through to a Millennial? How do you make them…understand?”

It’s a rather fun question to me. I wouldn’t give much weight to it if it weren’t for the fact that I keep noticing this disconnect between the Millennial generation and older generations.

With so many well-meaning people on both sides, I was a bit hesitant to even try to enter into a discussion on this. Yet, when an idea doesn’t fade, I believe that sometimes it’s because God knows that I and He and those around me need to talk about it. One or two conversations would have been interesting, but it’s getting in the dozens for me now.

However, the topic seems like too much for just one blog, so I will simply start here. If this discussion helps anyone, I may write a few more. I’ll have to check the Nelson ratings…

So here it goes.

IF YOU HAVE TO TALK TO A MILLENNIAL: Part 1 of as many parts I end up writing.

Have you ever had a conversation that made you want to pull your hair out? Ever given excellent advice and watched the person do the opposite for reasons that only sweet Jesus in heaven knows why? Ever had someone accuse your sincere question as blatant intolerance?

Chances are that you were talking to one of those Millennials.

Full disclosure, I am a Millennial. Barely.

Everyone has a different standard for those who make up the Millennial generation, but it is generally acknowledged that those who grew up in the mid 80s to 90s and came of age at the turn of the century fall into this generational category.

There are so many traits we have, far too many to list here, but a common theme among most Millennials is that we are mashups – messy combinations – of two opposite ideas. Most of us:

Despise labels, but must have name brands.

Buy organic (the body is the temple), and then out-drink firemen (because it’s Thursday…)

Fantasize about quitting our jobs every other week and “finding ourselves,” but then complain how it’s hard to get ahead.

Want deep connection, but can’t talk face to face with almost anyone.

In short, we are a decidedly messy generation with intense self-doubt, masked by even more intense opinions on…well…everything.

But Millennials are actually easier to understand than most people think. Despite the contradictions, we are remarkably consistent in our actions. The trick is to be able to understand the why behind the what. To look past the action and discern the motivation.

Unlock the “whys,” and a whole world seems to open up.

Every generation has its distinctive features.

Each generation places emphasized values on certain ideas at the expense of others. It stems from the cultural environment in which they came of age. An impressive example is those heroes of ours that endured the Great Depression, and as a result place a pronounced value on wasting nothing. They had been trained out of necessity from a young age on the idea that you must always be ready. You never know what could happen. It is extremely admirable, and a commendable part of their heritage. A very good trait that successive generations, at times, misunderstand or are frustrated by because they did not have to go through the experience.

Millennials place a high value on tolerance, not because we actually agree with everyone. Often, it is just the opposite; we disagree with nearly everyone all the time!

The key is the why behind the responses, and a helpful place to start would be to consider the cultural soup in which this Millennial generation has been marinating in since birth.

The Baby Boomer generation was taught many things, but one of the highest among them was the value of their opinion. A rightness of their individuality. It led to many good things, but has also contributed to massive changes in society. It set the stage for a revolt under the Gen X-ers, and created the conditions for a dramatic rise in latch key parenting, increased divorce, and the fatherless epidemic that is cutting Millennials off at the knees before many could have a chance. Add to this mix a heavy dose of affluence and a core belief that things can fix relational problems, and the fallout is this current generation of Millennials.

I realize this is a vast oversimplification of the incredibly complex foundations of the Millennial culture, but I do not have the focus to explore every detail. There is so much research out there that it makes my brain hurt.

These oversimplified factors have been magnified, as media and especially the internet have upended the traditional order of things. Instead of believing another person out of duty, or because of their position of authority, we tend to resist all authority and view it as suspect because they often serve themselves at the expense of the people they are supposed to lead.

Recent history is littered with examples from televangelists, teachers, politicians and dads who walked out.

Also, and it should not be swept aside, Millennials are the first generation who are truly digitally native – meaning they have only known a world surrounded in digital technology and computers – which has caused a stark rift between generations. Older generations feel more out of touch with each new technology, while Millennials EXPECT there to be ever increasing technological advances. This shift in thinking may sound minor, but it has vast implications. If we are not careful, either side will write the other off in the same way that two people speaking completely different languages would, in the end, conclude the other side simply does not “get it.”

When we take all of this cultural marinade together, we can begin to see some basic ideas of where Millennials come from, which is a key part of having an effective conversation with a Millennial. The emphasis for those that love this perpetually opinionated, confused, and desperate generation, which wraps itself up in an armor of arrogance and broken commitments, should not be on changing us but on understanding the why behind our whats.

It all comes down to one idea: listening.

I don’t mean the typical listening we see in our world. It’s not about hearing us and then, even while we’re still talking, loading your mental gun with bullet points to shoot down all our wrong arguments.

We see right through that every time. We can smell fake from a long way off.

I mean actually listening.

There has never been a generation more in need of people who put aside their personal agendas to seek to engage at a level where success is defined, not by change, but by understanding.

Because the secret we Millennials don’t want to admit is this: when someone truly attempts to understand us, it is so rare and attractive that most everything else will start to fade.

It slips past all defenses and speaks straight to our hearts.

Understanding is the beginning of changing us from the inside out.

 

I hope this read has been helpful. I plan to write a few more blogs on this topic, and I would love to hear your thoughts on this piece – whether you loved or hated it – and how you would have added to the conversation. My email is joelschaap@yahoo.com, or you can comment below.